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  • Rocio Soto

From desperation to inspiration


Social distancing seems to be impacting the emotional health of most people. If you’re anything like me or your background looks anything like mine then you are fairly familiar with emotional issues. PTSD and Depression are big ones for me. Anxious thoughts cloud my mind.

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But what if you’re a Christian and depressed? The church seems to put a lot more shame and pressure on Christians who suffer from mental illness, “pray more” “fast more” “read more” “you’re not spiritual enough” “there must be sin in your life” that’s what I used to hear. Even now, it’s hard to trust Christians in my own circle because instead of listening they offer meaningless solutions “think positive.” After battling depression, anxiety and whatever else came with that for many years, I learned to just give in.

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You read that right. I gave in. I used to pray the Lord to show me what having joy all the time looked like, “Lord, I am tired of being overwhelmingly sad” “Do you see me?” “Do you hear me?” “God I feel forsaken!” And honestly, all those questions went unanswered. I felt broken beyond repair. “Lord, even you can’t fix this…you won’t” I was so desperate for answers.

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But in that the Lord showed me a new way of grieving, a new way of handling mental issues in my life. I gave up and gave in to every emotion, I felt the weight and heaviness of the sadness but in the midst of it I saw the Lord.

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My struggle with mental health had become an open door for the Lord, a bridge, a line of communication.

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My struggle with mental health had become a way to freedom.

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In 2Cor.12:7-10 Paul explains to us about having a thorn in the flesh, his own struggle, we don’t know what it is, and I only assume, that it keeps him coming to the Lord time and time again. The Lord is the healing ointment for his wounded soul, body and spirit. It is his very own weakness that makes him draw near to the Lord.

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I no longer pray my depression away, sadness, anxiety or any of that. I learned to pray differently “Lord, I am here once again, at your feet, weak, hopeless, broken, use this”

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I cannot stray away from the Healer, my disease is what keeps me close to the ONE who holds the remedy for this broken body.

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I go from desperation to inspiration. Some days are good and others not so much, but the days in which I feel the weight of the world, I know it is an invitation to sit at the feet of Jesus, to abide, to remain in His soothing presence.I don’t pray it away, I let the days be sad I don’t try to change them, because He uses the bad along with the good and I must welcome it. I don’t fight the Lord in this, I watch Him work.

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P.S. I am not saying to let your mental health go unchecked, or to not seek help or support from those around you (counselors/family/friends) what I am saying is that mental health is a way the Lord has used to deepen my relationship with Him. I’ve learned to see mental health issues as part of my journey with the Lord.This world is broken, we are broken but the Lord does not leave us there, He is working within us, transforming us each day, redeeming us, and reconciling us to Him each day. For me, mental health is what keeps me coming back to the Lord, whether I am healed or not that is not the goal for me anymore. The goal is to know God during this. To help those who feel the shame and guilt of being christians who still battle mental health issues.



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